how to...

God for sure wants his people to show him their love, He for sure wants to be listen to and for sure He wants to hear worship, He for sure is our God...but then, we oh we just don't get it. It is like we see the miracle and 15 seconds latter we forget that it happen...that is us. We forget to love God...I know I do. I am not sure if it is because I just have hard time loving generally or is it because it comes the hardest to love the one who loves me the most, and this is already weird. How is it that it is hard to love back the one who loves you the most, I just simply don't understand how that works. but I know my life has a purpose...is to make Him smile...and to learn how to love...and to love

fire works....fwy 5S...by disney

fire works, a helicopter following with a bright light car on a highway that is going way to fast, and fire works again. Beautiful, big one, huge celebration...and on my heart release, freedom, a feeling of lightness. Seems like we all have someone who done us wrong, we all carry that luggage, that is heavy, that bring us down. The only thing we have to do, is forgive, let it go, we need to allowed the healing to happen. Not easy to do, some would think. Others would think, I have done it ones, and I am still angry, so did not work. Only Jezus, and only with his powers, and only because of his love, we can and I know it [ :) ]. With him, we can just put it away, forgive, and with him and thanks to his powers we can droop that heavy luggage, and become free from anger, bitternes, and disaire to revange. And then fire works, celebration of freedom...

2912

August 6th 2001, New York. I lend it in JFK Airport, I have been on and off but for most part 2912 days in USA. During that time, I got to know Jesus, so there is something very great about that time, so celebration is necessary , so let celebrate.... This has been a good time, weird time, growing up time, but most of all, this has been a time of me discovering the greatest love of all, so another 182 days, maybe 240, maybe even 364 days since august seems to be the key month and I will be moving home, so I can share with other Polaks, how much they are loved...

so He spoke...

Seems like every time Christians are being told how they supposed to do life, there is some anger and resentment. Especially if they hear staff hard to hear, things they don't want to apply. Jesus does it any way, He brings is home, says it how it is. He does not say things that are address only to one group of Christians, for him there is nothing like different groups, it is all one....so if He says something to one person, it is to you or me....as well. So when He says "There's one thing left: Go sell whatever you own and give it to the poor. All your wealth will then be heavenly wealth. And come follow me." He actually says that too me!!! Right here, almost seems like it is more then ok for me to say, really? All of it, but what exactly do you want God? "Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel's sake,but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last, first." So this is not a joke, for real, not only my money, staff, but all who I love, He really just wants it all. But how? how does He finds it ok even to request that? How dare He? I know He is my God, my savior, my friend, but REALLY? He must be not talking to me then, I am already giving up so much, I am doing well, I do go to church, I pray (even for those I don't like), I help others, I even tie now, so there is no way He is talking to me, He must be talking to that person that sit next to me today at church, I am sure that is it. Wow, that feel so much better now, it was not too me, He is happy with me...right? But what if that was me, I can not do what He is asking for, this is impossible, crazy, there is no way. I already don't have much, do I? But what if He did? No, He could not, He knows me, He knows I just can't..."With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.".........so He spoke, hard to hear...but said it with love, care... my friend.

Freedom

by Eileen Evind

I'm hurting and broken

My thoughts go unspoken

Confused and abused my appearance is bruised

Worn out from being improperly used

Confined and blind

Sometimes so hidden I’m difficult to find

Blocked from my mind by a wall too tall to climb

I deceive those I love the most

In myself I love to boast

But only to cover the truth that I’m actually gross

Too delicate to touch

Too embarrassed to be seen

The manipulation of truth keeps me in a constant day dream

Parts of me are locked by an unknown key

These secrets I keep cause me to bleed

When I’m hungry I feed on the weak

My foolishness causes my inards to leak

And deeper into myself do I sink

Dirty and dark

Too many times have I been broken apart

I long for wholeness but I don’t know where to start

You think I’m a stranger

But I’m actually your heart

Broken in the brokenness, unspoken grossness, host this, post it, neon sticky note, facebook quote, stubborn as a billygoat, words caught in the throat…choke,

I’m Broke.

The white mask of false perfection.

Correction.There’s a crack in the mold

Leaking the story untold

Just fold

The lie is old

Nobody’s sold

You’ve got a cold so stop fightin’ it, denyin it, here’s honesty, try it

Cry it

Pry it open like a clam in the ocean

Revealin the treasure inside

Beauty we hide, behind our fear and pride as our insides die

This stubborn self-inflicted pain causes heavenly tears to fall as grace like rain

Longing to wash away the shame and self-blame, tellin us to stop playin this game

Pretending to be sane when really we’re all crazy.

Maybe,

If you let your grip slip and allowed the script to flip and acknowledged the porcelain’s chipped

Your life might shift.

It’s a gift, so live in the present

Acknowledge you imperfection without the fear of rejection

For you are not judged by works but by grace

So take off your mask and embrace his glorious face

Open your heart and take a taste

Here’s your hope It’s called grace.

So here I am.

Broken in the brokenness, unspoken grossness, host this, post it, neon sticky note, facebook quote, stubborn as a billygoat, words caught in the throat…choke,

I’m Broke.

Like a face mask im peelin it

Revealin it

Can’t keep concealin it cuz I'm feelin it

And father God I need you to heal it

No longer can I function in this pain

Cuz im watchin others change while I remain the same

It’s a game.And I’m losin’

So today I proclaim it’s you that I’m chosin

I give you my masks so I can keep movin

No more of myself am I provin

I’m letting go.

Losing self-control in order to gain it

Today my lips proclaim it

I’m broken and it hurts

This mask is a curse

Only your water can quench this thirst

So here I am

This is me

And with God by my side I’m ready to the let whole world see

That through my honesty I’m free

fear...trust

fear...for some reason I am not that afraid of physical hurt, maybe that is why I don't fear getting hurt. I have no problem risking it just for the moment of excitement and feeling of adventure. And yes sometimes there is this thought right before I take the risky action "what if I get hurt" then most of the time I will think of what is the worst thing that could happen, and if I am ok with what ever it could be, I will just go for it. But it is totally different when it comes to my life for Jesus. I think fear is one of the stimuli that stops me often from doing what I feel God is putting on my heart to do. I have yet figure out the right conclusion to why that is the case. But one of the idea that I had on my mind in last 2 weeks is...maybe my lack of trust in God, my lack of trust of who I am in God, my lack of trust of His control, my lack of trust in His intentions for my life is the factor that when it comes to take that risk for Him, I would think of the worst possible outcome, I fear it...and I wont take the risk, just to make sure this time I would not get hurt.

25 random....staff

since I created that list because of facebook and the fact that I was kind of supposed to, I figure I will post it here...

1. I had to run away from skinheads so I don't get bit up many times in my life.
2. My favorite way of transportation is hitchhiking…then train, bicycle, walking, car, bus, airplane,
3. I iron my pajamas, and wash and polish my shows on a regular basis
4. As a kid I made this one boy nose bleed because he made fun of my friend
5. Even if things taste wrong or old, I wont stop eating it, I will just ponder on an idea that maybe something wrong with it, but for some reason I be still eating it
6. I had my first Guinness in Irish bar in Ireland on my 18th b-day....one of the best summers ever
7. I am scared of people, I challenged that fear on a daily basis
8. I milked cows, cleaned around pigs and feed chickens, droved tractors, picked potatoes, took care of things on fields....and that are one of the best memories of my childhood
9. I despite dirtiness, mass and clatter...I have nightmares that I can’t get my house clean, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I have to force myself to stay in bad not to start cleaning
10. I love bungee jumping …if I could I would do it every day
11. I have learned English mostly by watching Friends with subtitles, and reading Winnie the Pooh, and reading dictionary
12. I have lost my conscious many times in my life each time because I went down the stairs or I had walked into the wall or poll
13. I always wanted a dog...so I got two tortoises
14. I love cooking even more baking...but I don’t know how to bake in USA
15. My grandmother is the best woman I ever met,
16. I had my first Snickers bar- May 26 1992
17. I grow up during communism...and I believe in communism...I realize it can not be done right, but I am register as a one in Poland
18. I started plying on a guitar when I was 9 years old
19. I took Latin in school in after school programs for fun
20. As a kid I used to get tapes with classical music and other kind...but mostly classical as a Christmas and b-day presents because that was all I want it...
21. I hated playing with dolls and all the school, house kind of play time with my sister
22. Snow is wet and cold and I hate it....grow up in Poland
23. I like Am radio station, like to read my news, and follow the financial staff that are going on
24. Running is my freedom
25. My family ...my mom, dad, sister, brother, brother in law, nephew, nice, grandma, aunt, uncle, are the most important people in my life....but I value the rest of my whole family also ( there is something very important to me in blood relations...I would die for any of them, and I mean it) as well and friends happen to be important to....

Getting to know Jesus is the best thing ever happen to me

new start...the end

spring semester 2009...almost the end...two semesters and God willing I be done with school.
This is so amazing, but on the other hand, why am I wasting time in school when I should be focus on doing Gods work...since everything around makes it seem like the end is coming...but was in that already 100 years ago, and then the end did not come...which on is it...
how my life would be different if I actually really believed the end is almost here...
...if I actually believed the end is almost here I would be in Poland right now...
but how do we actually know?
How different people would be knowing the end is really coming...
usa....is not usa any more....over last 7 years this country has change so much...that I am not sure that people remember how it used to be any more. Things are happening...that will suggest the the end is almost here...

so my end is alomst here as well...if all goes well December 2009 I be back in Poland.